PS: I love you!

Hey strangers! I bet you missed me! I have been gone a while but hopefully this is my return to blogging fame! (because 4 followers is so many). So, since i've been gone i bet you've wondered what i've been doing? No? Well, i'll tel you anyway! I have been on a world adventure and now i have started University! And it is WONDERFUL! Especially psychology, and more specifically, social psych (or PS, if you hadn't yet drawn the conclusion.)

So, yesterday, we got some homework: to do something slightly non-confromist, that wasn't endangering to you or anyone else. I wondered how to go about this, so i asked my good friends on Facebook. There were various replies, mostly unoriginal or something i was already doing (i.e. grow my underarm hair long). So then i had the genius idea to see what was going on with others in my class (almost 2000 strong) and i saw a note from the lecturer that said that it could be something as simple as wearing odd socks. Now, considering i did this for the majority of my school life, this didn't appeal to me HOWEVER, it DID give me an idea.

So, i wore my t-shirt inside-out and back-to-front!

Now, i know what you're thinking. "how boring" and i know, i initially thought; "this'll be a sinch. I am outgoing and i don't particularly care what people think of how i look". So i throw on my favourite bright purple, panda t-shirt and see that it isn't even that obvious that it's on all wrong! "easy-peasy" off i go, it'll be fine...

...And it was....for the first 10 mins. My lovely friend Gabi, thought it was fine and wished me luck and off i went, care-free, out the door and down the street, onto the mainroad and then.... *duh duh duuuuhhhhhh* ....well dressed people and they were my age! So, i encounter my first issue.

Issue 1: Self consciousness.
I am a selfconscious person only sometimes, especially when i am meeting new people and i think i have ugly shoes on...or i have failed to maintain standard hygene ie hairbrushing, teethwashing. The other time is when i know that people have preconceptions about me (ie they think i'm nice/good with people/a horrible bitch) and i feel that i have to live up to these things. But, generally once i am out and about i feel that i blend in, or that my dress statement (i.e. my yellow pants) are carefully chosen. So to start the day with this over-whelming desire to walk up to the strangers, was bizarre.

So i stand away from the crowded bus stop and opt for the second bus with less people on it. Still as i board i feel all eyes on me, look up and see they actually aren't. I was also using an expired ticket.

I sit in the middle of the seat so that no-one could sit next to me, because that may invite comments. I didn't want that.

Now, keep in mind that i knew it was not all that obvious and it was still affecting me. Also, when i would look up i would get uncomfortable pangs.

Issue 2: uncomfortable pangs.
I get these when i have a crush on someone and i think they have noticed because i chanced a glance at them. I also get these when i have said unusually embarrasing like "i have period juice leaking on your arm, sorry."

I get off the bus, i say thankyou to the driver and i head up the long and winding road to eastern avenue, the most bustling point on campus at any given time. However, i took a slightly less populated route to get there before my sudy group, (Denis), sent me a messages telling me to go to the unibar and sit on couches. So, at the prospect of comfortable study, which was looking great next to uncomfortable walking around, i trekked through the crowds of people to my destination. Which was fine until i put down my bag and stood up and one of denis' friends says "you're shirt is on the wrong way" (DUH) "i know, it's an experiment"

Issue 3: It's an experiment? Are you graded? No. So what's the point?
The point, dear private school boy, who probably knows all too much about public shaming and doesn't see why people would bring this upon them selves, is that it is to see what slightly non-conforming does to your own psyche.

Ok, so this horrible discomfort only contined for 2 hours and I was thereafter comfortable once again, knowing I had achieved discomfort and also, learned a valuable lesson. Let it be noted that i still stuck to the less populated routes home and still felt everyone was looking at me.

So, what did I learn? I guess I learned that i am more self-conscious than I think, even when everyone is a total stranger. I felt much better when i knew people and could justify why I was wearing my shirt the wrong way. I felt out of place and weird and i actually found myself consciously noting that EVERYONE ELSE was wearing their clothes the RIGHT WAY! SURPRISE!

Findings: I can be uncomfortable with total strangers. Non-conformity, in the closest possible sense (as i guess there is really no such thing as true non-conformity) Not conforming to the accpeted social norms is hard and sweat-inducing. Most people wear their clothes the right way out and the right way round, daily.

Over and out.