Dear Wikileaks

Dear Mr. Assange,

It has come to my attention that you have some skills which may be put to a more valuable use than uncovering confidential diplomatic documents and conversations. No doubt that what you do is very interesting and controversial however, I'm not sure you are reaching your widest demographic.
As you may have noticed, you rarely make the front page of the Telegraph, which is a sensational paper! The only reason that you make it there is for your sex scandals. These readers, however are more interested in what you do in your spare time.
You're political work is greatly appreciated in other papers such as the Australian, The Morning Herald etc, so i don't suggest that you stop your political investigations altogether, but rather that you should perhaps expand to include exposing many conspiracies that have plagued the planet for decades.
For example, how about finding those documents proving that there was in fact, no voyage to the moon by the Americans and the Hollywood documents that prove that a studio was hired to film the entire hoax.
Alternatively you may consider looking into the death of Elvis Presley. Then all the fans could finally put their minds at ease and get some closure. It can be tough just being in the dark.
Or, you know....anything about UFOs.
I think if you considered investigating any of these issues in conjunction with your current work, you may find that you expand your audience. Just saying.

Sincerely,
Hanna.

A Toast: To our new prime minister.

Goodmorning bloggers!

And... If your morning was anything like mine, you awoke in a state of utter normalcy, no feelings that anything was amiss, hungry from a good nights sleep and just ready to tackle the Great Task Of The Day (ie cleaning under your bed). However, as on any normal day you checked Facebook, only to discover that overnight your Prime Minister is no longer the nerdy adversary to Johnny Howard but a mouse-esque WOMAN who is not so nearly as endearing. What a world we live in where we are no longer informed by the newspaper of major events, but our Live newsfeed. I feel that there is nothing like a good ol' political switcheroo to inspire an emergency blog before my morning bowl of porridge and complementary vegemite toast.

Now, there have been some harsh words to Julia, people taking cheap shots and calling her ranga and saying her voice is annoying and i must say that i have joined these people in kicking her in the ball sack in what would otherwise be a friendly hand only boxing match... (which reminds me: Callum maybe you need to make a Julia Gillard mii and battle her with Kevin '07 in the ring)...with my previous comment that she was mouse-esque.

Then on the other-hand i have seen so many positive statements about her new found position such as "look at us, with our new female Prime Minister, aren't we just such a forward country. Look at us just like the USA with their black president." and "woooooo chick PM now i can stare at her titties" (well maybe exactly...anyhow)

What all these people need to realise is that they are taking cheap shots because most people probably had some idea of what they were voting for. Shit or shitter. Now it's possibly shitter and shitter or better and shitter but who the fuck knows anymore. Election time 3 years ago was exciting because Kevin brought the promise of freshness and though generally people are not really comfortable with disruptive change, Australia felt we needed one. Now, however this change has been enforced upon us and though it may ultimately be for the better we don't know and we had no say. It would be like me giving you a choice of eating a mars bar or a piece of shit and then saying or you can unwrap this THIRD MYSTERY PACKAGE and see what you get, it could either be a snickers or... more shit. And poor Kevvy! I mean, at least we knew what we were getting and he had a sense of humour! Are you funny Julia? ARE YOU FUNNY??

Now, the female PM issue must be tackled head on. So, yeah, she has a vagina, but what does that mean? I mean, as i said, she hasn't really earned her vagina that seat in parliament and perhaps it was her vagina that earned the rest of her body that seat. Sure she is a female but she has not proven herself as others must, before achieving the big title of PM. As previously mentioned Australia but did not vote for her, the labour party did and how is that any accurate sample of the population. How does that represent what the rest of us would want? And, HOW does that make us forward thinking or advanced in anyway. Many other countries have done the same thing before us. Her being female really has nothing to do with how well she will lead the country (though better than Abbott, that cunt of a human...or should i say hymen). What of her skills, people? I guess, Rudd wasn't so skillful and he did disappoint on many occasions, so Julia has that up her sleeve, at least for me, because as i have NO expectations maybe she will pleasantly surprise me and if she doesn't i guess i'll say "I told ja so" and get on with my porridge and vegemite toast. Bottoms up, Australia.

Hot Tub Time Machine and other downfalls of modern Western Civilisation

Now, I have become a grumpy old lady and I'm only 20! My god, 20! That feels old for me but I am what many bingo-winged ladies would refer to as a "spring-chicken"! And I like chicken and I love spring, so I guess this is a good thing! HOWEVER, there is something significantly disturbing about being a grumpy old lady at the tender loin - I mean age - of 20 but I have come up with a rationalisation (as any good Freudian psychoanalyst will confirm) and here it is: technology is moving too fast to keep up with. As a wise Jackson Jackson song once said "you need to buy this new thing and if you have it, well, the new better version of the thing you have, well it just came out!" And this is what technology is these days. I just can't keep up!

Example:
These new cars that have a start/stop button. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT OF THIS!? Let me say that the only people I can excuse for driving these cars are old people because they are unaware that they are unnecessary and are always on the hunt for a way to appear more up to date and hip that any other generation of old people EVER! So, they are excused!
Now let me just say that I was involved in a conversation the other day about these cars and seriously, i think that it sums up how lazy and shit the human race has become.
Person1 (me): those cars are so stupid
Person2: Nah, they are really cool
Me: seriously, how hard is it to turn the FUCKING ignition?!
Person2 and 3: If you don't have to do it why do it at all?
Me: See, this is what's wrong with the world.
Denis: Exactly!

Ok, that one was self explanatory, so here's another: Hot Tub Time Machine. And let me preface this by saying that anything that describes itself as "fall out of your chair hilarious, it's not. If it's a decent movie it will say something like "charming and witty and a testament to the poet....or some such nonsense. Hot Tub Time Machine an example of how people can make a movie out of anything and name it so literally so as not to leave any intrigue. Now, years ago, this would have been a dilemma because directors and producers would have wanted to get higher ratings and so make money and they would come up with original comedies such as "Blazing Saddles" and so forth but NOW they are allowed to produce things like this and "Snakes on a Plane" because everyone in Hollywood has enough money to just make these shitty movies without significant plot, interest or intrigue because they have so much goddamn money. (fucking capitalists)

NOW we have the music issue. I have got a song called "I Like To Fuck". Sex has been a common theme in modern music for a long time but before it was more subtle and people would at least have some standards as to how explicit they were. For instance they wouldn't call it something as blatent as "I Like to Fuck", they would be more subltle and call it something like "Getting Jiggy With It". The Spice Girls were less successful on the subtle front with song lyrics such as "I wanna make you holla and hear you scream my name" and just plain "naked". Sure, it's one's choice to listen to these dirty gangester songs in the first place but that's beside the point. I mean,"Getting Jiggy With It" gives the young listener something to model themselves on "I got a cigga- cigar from cuba-cubarr. I just bite it, it's for the look, I don't light it"! Some might call this "being a poser" but I say there we have some morals. Let's all pretend to smoke, not actually smoke! (sorry to all you smokers out there, it's nothing personal!) wait, I think this song is about being hip and not sex, but anyhow....a better example is "Afternoon Delight".

But aside from shitty movies, which, since Date Movie, have frequented cinemas and homes alike (you really think people would learn not to watch these shitty movies at home) the thing that inspired me to detail just a few of society's major pitfalls was the article I saw about some "sin-binning" incident, but more specifically, the "fans feedback" column next to the article where it literally took me 2 or 3 readings of their incoherent scrawls to decipher what they were actually trying to say. This is because in their apparent rage they skipped letters in words, they added words and they changed what they were going to say half way through the sentence to form complete babble. I don't know what I expect from football fans but let's remember that there was a time where football fans were all the upper-class snobs enjoying hunting and private schools in England.

One more thing: Shorts that don't entirely cover your butt = underpants, and a society that wears their underpants in public is one that isn't going to last.

Sing me a song, NO NOT THAT ONE!

So i like music, but most people do. And many people who have talked about it have had more profound things to say than what I do.
Some would argue that I don't like music, they would say that i like "noise" (mother) or "anything lacking melody isn't music". But everyone can get fucked. I like my music and y'all are entitled to like yours.
But has anyone else noticed how much people will stand by their favourite bands etc. They love them, they won't hear a word against them, or their favourite genre. They get defensive if you don't like it or say anything bad about it. I mean, if you got a new shirt and i said "your shirt is like someone whacked my retinas with a baseball bat" you'd be offended but you probably wouldn't be like "hell no, that's my favourite shirt, it's so great, the threading is second to none and it's so comfy it's comparable to a bed!" Or something. But if i said "your music is like someone took a dump in my left ear" you'd be all like "nah, fuck you! It's awesome, it's so complex and it's so relaxing, it's like someone's massaging my frontal lobe with their über soft baby hands" Or something. Anyway, you get my point.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying it's bad i'm just saying it's definitely a trend. My best friend and boyfriend, both of whom i love dearly, have the exact opposite taste in music to me. It's not even like they preach it to be awesome or anything but it bugs me when i have to sit there and listen to another chorus of "i got a whole inside and it's 10 miles wide"...yeah ok, i know the lyrics but that's because i was subject to endless drives (which i greatly appreciate) while listening to Escape the Fate on repeat. To be fair they were both pulling their hair out (and my boyfriend even left my house once) while i was busting a rhyme to Dr. Dre. (he might just have been scared away by my dancing.

But WHY?

Now, the only thing i can think of is that it's such a defining part of you, and you put it on the table and when someone says to you "your music is shit" it's like they've said to you "you are a shit person and i think you should be gauged in they rectal area by a baseball bat." I mean, as for the shirt example, I guess it's still a way of showing your personality but you have less invested in it. This is because shirts rarely say anything that you relate to, or you feel is directed specifically at you, which is what many songs/bands do for people. The only reason i can see someone getting equally as offended as when they are wearing their favourite band t-shirt.

PS: I love you!

Hey strangers! I bet you missed me! I have been gone a while but hopefully this is my return to blogging fame! (because 4 followers is so many). So, since i've been gone i bet you've wondered what i've been doing? No? Well, i'll tel you anyway! I have been on a world adventure and now i have started University! And it is WONDERFUL! Especially psychology, and more specifically, social psych (or PS, if you hadn't yet drawn the conclusion.)

So, yesterday, we got some homework: to do something slightly non-confromist, that wasn't endangering to you or anyone else. I wondered how to go about this, so i asked my good friends on Facebook. There were various replies, mostly unoriginal or something i was already doing (i.e. grow my underarm hair long). So then i had the genius idea to see what was going on with others in my class (almost 2000 strong) and i saw a note from the lecturer that said that it could be something as simple as wearing odd socks. Now, considering i did this for the majority of my school life, this didn't appeal to me HOWEVER, it DID give me an idea.

So, i wore my t-shirt inside-out and back-to-front!

Now, i know what you're thinking. "how boring" and i know, i initially thought; "this'll be a sinch. I am outgoing and i don't particularly care what people think of how i look". So i throw on my favourite bright purple, panda t-shirt and see that it isn't even that obvious that it's on all wrong! "easy-peasy" off i go, it'll be fine...

...And it was....for the first 10 mins. My lovely friend Gabi, thought it was fine and wished me luck and off i went, care-free, out the door and down the street, onto the mainroad and then.... *duh duh duuuuhhhhhh* ....well dressed people and they were my age! So, i encounter my first issue.

Issue 1: Self consciousness.
I am a selfconscious person only sometimes, especially when i am meeting new people and i think i have ugly shoes on...or i have failed to maintain standard hygene ie hairbrushing, teethwashing. The other time is when i know that people have preconceptions about me (ie they think i'm nice/good with people/a horrible bitch) and i feel that i have to live up to these things. But, generally once i am out and about i feel that i blend in, or that my dress statement (i.e. my yellow pants) are carefully chosen. So to start the day with this over-whelming desire to walk up to the strangers, was bizarre.

So i stand away from the crowded bus stop and opt for the second bus with less people on it. Still as i board i feel all eyes on me, look up and see they actually aren't. I was also using an expired ticket.

I sit in the middle of the seat so that no-one could sit next to me, because that may invite comments. I didn't want that.

Now, keep in mind that i knew it was not all that obvious and it was still affecting me. Also, when i would look up i would get uncomfortable pangs.

Issue 2: uncomfortable pangs.
I get these when i have a crush on someone and i think they have noticed because i chanced a glance at them. I also get these when i have said unusually embarrasing like "i have period juice leaking on your arm, sorry."

I get off the bus, i say thankyou to the driver and i head up the long and winding road to eastern avenue, the most bustling point on campus at any given time. However, i took a slightly less populated route to get there before my sudy group, (Denis), sent me a messages telling me to go to the unibar and sit on couches. So, at the prospect of comfortable study, which was looking great next to uncomfortable walking around, i trekked through the crowds of people to my destination. Which was fine until i put down my bag and stood up and one of denis' friends says "you're shirt is on the wrong way" (DUH) "i know, it's an experiment"

Issue 3: It's an experiment? Are you graded? No. So what's the point?
The point, dear private school boy, who probably knows all too much about public shaming and doesn't see why people would bring this upon them selves, is that it is to see what slightly non-conforming does to your own psyche.

Ok, so this horrible discomfort only contined for 2 hours and I was thereafter comfortable once again, knowing I had achieved discomfort and also, learned a valuable lesson. Let it be noted that i still stuck to the less populated routes home and still felt everyone was looking at me.

So, what did I learn? I guess I learned that i am more self-conscious than I think, even when everyone is a total stranger. I felt much better when i knew people and could justify why I was wearing my shirt the wrong way. I felt out of place and weird and i actually found myself consciously noting that EVERYONE ELSE was wearing their clothes the RIGHT WAY! SURPRISE!

Findings: I can be uncomfortable with total strangers. Non-conformity, in the closest possible sense (as i guess there is really no such thing as true non-conformity) Not conforming to the accpeted social norms is hard and sweat-inducing. Most people wear their clothes the right way out and the right way round, daily.

Over and out.